Elusive, as always

I look up as your shadow falls on me,
a transversal on my ruled sheets.
I can't help a smile.

Most days, it is for you.
Sometimes, it is in spite of you.
But you're always the reason.

You remind me of light and darkness.
One word, a gesture, a half-grin,
and grim, protracted silences.

I can chase you away (most days, I manage).
Often, though, you refuse to go.
You don't budge; you simply stand there, smiling down at me

Willing me to understand that I can't defy science;
open windows mean that sunshine can stream in.
They also mean long shadows. That's science.

I settle for the next option:
Stay if you must (please, please stay),
but don't bother me while I go about existing.

You nod in agreement, far too readily
and my suspicions are aroused.
Why are you being so amenable?

Hands in pockets, you smile down at me.
Just knowing that you're there is so unnerving;
but you're oblivious to it all.

Chin up, I look you in the eye
Defiant, questioning, hopeful.
And the shadow melds into the sunshine. Nothing.

I smile to myself, then grin helplessly.
I think of you and sigh and laugh.
Now, I live.